Seeing with Clarity

 I live in Southern California. One of the most beautiful places on Earth. After a rainstorm passes, and the Sun comes out, you can see for miles. Most beautiful to me are the mountains. Santa Monica mountains. San Gabriel mountains. With perfect clarity, you can see the trails and roads on these mountain ranges. 

In this writing journey of mine, I’ve come to realize that the haze in my writing, was  indicative of my former way of writing:  patterning my scenes and characters after what I’d seen/read before, or worse, based off comments from other writers determined to steer me away from discovering the power of my true voice. You know, it isn’t just others that can cast this haze over our writing voice, we do it to ourselves when we doubt our talent and ability. 

You do not need validation from the world to be who God created you to be!

Let the God rain wash away doubt and feelings of inadequacy. And hey, I get it. For the longest time there was a group of authors I revered. Whose words I took as gold falling from heaven. I’d propped up each person on a pedestal. By doing this I began to believe I could never measure up to these award winning titans of writing. And it diminished my light. Haze took over. 

God has given me so much clarity this year. Allowed me to see people as they really are. Knowledge is power! God didn’t call me to live the lives of those authors. He called me to live mine. My writing has power when I write from my true self. When I let go of false narratives. Let go of thinking other writers are better than me. I am an amazing writer! 

I turned my gaze to my God given path where my purpose lies. And now, here comes the Sun. God’s word is a lamp for our feet and a light for our path. Don’t focus on others. Don’t get discouraged by others who try to pull you down. Focus on God’s light. It will never fail you. 

Straddling the line

"Do you want to get well," Jesus asked the man. This man had been waiting by a pool of water an Angel stirred (healing properties), infrequently for a long time. Yet when Jesus saw him, he asked him if he wanted to be well. I've read this verse for decades and only now understand. It has nothing to do with the man's physical infirmities, but rather the condition of his heart and mind.  

You sit by the pool daily for who knows how long, months, years and watch others get healed, yet you don't make any attempt to do anything (pray, ask for help, move an inch at a time), to get yourself closer to the pool. 

You haven't normalized failure. You've normalize not believing.

But Desiree, what does that have to do with writing?

Everything. 

There are different types of writers. 

There are writers who are stay at home parents. Writers who teach during the day and come home to write. Writers who write maybe fifteen minutes a day.  Or only on the weekends. 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that type of writer, if writing is a secondary occupation to you.

But what if writing isn't secondary? What if you want writing to be primary?

But Desiree, there's AI, and there's not as many novels being published (scripts being optioned). There's so many writer's it's a fool's dream to think you can do this full time. 

"Do you want to get well."

Hmm.

Yes. Yes I do. 

You look at that pool long enough and you'll think it was never really meant  for you. You straddle that line of belief and disbelief long enough, your feet are stuck in cement.

You may have asked for help in the past and even had a mentor and left disappointed, unwilling to ask again, without asking yourself if you needed to grow as a writer and believe in your skills, then approach a mentor who can help you specifically in an area that you need help with.

 I get it. I live in Los Angeles. There's plenty of people willing to "help" you for just the right dollar amount. Ignore them. There's so many more that will help you for FREE. 

Plenty of book authors willing to have a conversation, or correspond with you via email for years (true story), as you grow as a writer. 

If you want to be a full time writer, it is time to stop sitting by the pool wishing someone would just help you. Stop straddling the line and plant your feet firmly on the belief side. 

I'm rooting for you.

Redecorate vs. Renovate

Redecorate vs. Renovate I have a screenplay I wrote that I’ve gotten great feedback on. It’s about suicide. I’m having difficulty getting anyone to say yes to it. Today I took a long, hard, critical look at it and I found what it needs. The only problem is, it doesn’t need to be redecorated, it needs to be renovated. You know those home improvement shows where they sand and stain or paint kitchen cabinets because they’re solid and only need surface work? That’s redecorate. That’s not this screenplay. My screenplay is like when they take a crowbar and rip the cabinets off the wall. Then they rip the drywall off and you’re left with the studs. You have to renovate, gut, the entire place. That’s where this screenplay is. It needs to be gutted down to the studs so I can put the best drywall and cabinets in. Life can be like that too. Don’t confuse a paint job with a need to do a total renovation. Put in the hard word and rip everything out. Then build in what is truly unique to you. Your writing and you as a person will be all the better for it.

Don’t Give Up

Don’t give up on your Dreams. With the pandemic going on, the world has found itself social distancing and staying home. In our 21st century society, we have more choices for entertainment than there are hours in the day. We can fill our minds with endless TV shows or hours of opera or theater. Or...we can take a few hours today to reset. Are you living the life you always wanted to live? If so...congratulations. If not...it’s reset time. Take some of your quarantine time today to reflect on the life you truly want. If you’re at home with others, go to a separate room or even a closet. Take pen and paper, or jot your answers down on your phone. Here are your prompts: 1. I always wanted to be a... 2. I always wanted to live in/at/on... 3. My one (or however many you have), regret is... 4. Today is a new day. I can start living my dream(s) by... 5. I will stop listening to fear and do something bold today by... 6. By June 1st of this year, I will have done...towards my dream(s). Set a reminder on your phone to revisit your answers at least once a week. I plan on posting mine on my bathroom mirror so I am often reminded of my dreams and action steps. And at the top of you page write: BE BOLD. LIVE FEARLESS. Know that I am rooting for you.

What type of writer am I?

What kind of writer am I? 2020 is turning into an interesting year for me. I’ve written and submitted poetry and essays. Yet I’ve always considered myself a fiction writer. Time is a funny construct. It gives us room to shift and grow and change and be re-formed into something completely new. Time asks nothing from us but that it be used. And used well, until there is nothing left in the vessel of time but empty space. If you’d asked me three years ago what type of writing I do, I would have said, “YA SciFi and Horror, novels and screenplays”. I never would have said, “I’ve been exploring the depth of the kaleidoscope of color on the end of a grain of sand—in words and harmony through poetry.” I am still hard at work on my adult horror novel (another new thing for me), while I explore this new person I’ve become who pulls back the petals of a fresh rose to show the world the delicate workings within that brings life to the bees. 2020 People say it’s synonymous with perfect vision. I tend to not see perfection in anything (except Twinkies). Even nature throws a slight curve into the symmetry of a butterfly’s wings. I think 2020 is the beginning of near vision. And as I continue to dig deeper into my writing (I’m preparing to undertake a huge research project for a book), I am reminded to see beyond the first glance. Dive deep. Tell it true. And tell it with heart.

There is no Plan B

When you make a choice to pursue a dream, you will sometime hear advice that goes like this... "Make sure you have a back up plan", or "make sure you have something to fall back on". Here's the problem with that line of thinking, it's not based on faith. Faith is the "evidence of things not seen". That means you have to jump even though you can't see the ground. Now people that say the aforementioned statements to you mean well. But you were created for boldness. Be bold. Take that dream, that passion, and put yourself into it 100%. Don't have a Plan B. Here is what I've learned. If you have a Plan B, you will never devote yourself to your dream more than 80%. Sometimes not even 50%. There will always be apart of you that you hold back. Here is what I know. You only have one life on this planet. God didn't give you this life for you to play it safe with Plan B. He meant for you to go all out and pursue that dream with everything you have. Plan A. An uncle of my reminded me of something. When you do what you love (Plan A), you'll never work a day in your life. Work is Plan B. Let's decide to get rid of these Plan Bs. They weigh us down, choke the dreams out of us, and do nothing to bring joy in our lives. Take sometime to remember what your Plan A was. Prepare yourself for your Plan A and then jump.

Blank page

Today I am working on an animated TV pilot. Age range of 3-8, and writing a spec based off of the hit SyFy tv show "Sanctuary".

This entry was penned yesterday, but my writing got temporarily derailed by unforeseen circumstances. So here is yesterday's blog.

There is nothing more daunting that the look of a blank page/computer screen. Like a blizzard without end, the page/screen stares back at you, knowing it is the three-ton giant in the room.
Three hundred fifty page novel, One thousand page novel, One hundred thirty-five page screenplay, Thirty five page sitcom. Looking at the task from the end point the challenge seems insurmountable, and yet it has to be done.

What is the alternative? Put the screenwriting, and TV writing books in a box and forgot about the dream? Withdraw from the graduate program designed to teach you to be a better writer?

There is a line from the movie Galaxy Quest spoken by Tim Allen’s character. His crew from the TV series realizes they are in outer space and want to go home. He states: “If that’s what you want, just say the word, we’ll go. Pay out taxes, feed our fish, and miss out on all of this.”

Just say the word, put all your writing in a box and store it; sell your writing books at a garage sale. Get a job, pay some bills, walk the dog and soon the echo of your dream clamoring for your attention becomes just that. A dull echo that soon becomes nothing at all.

Plop yourself down in front of that TV watching episodes of your favorite show. Go pay $12.00 to see your favorite science fiction-action flick. And when you shut off that remote, and when you leave that movie theater, ignore that empty feeling inside. The one that says-hey I wanted to do that. Because you were too afraid of a blank page.

My eyes, my eyes

I just spent the past three and a half hours finishing the final "steak edit" of my YA fantasy novel. (For details on what a steak edit is, see my last blog). As I wrote on my notepad- je suis fini. 286 pages, 83 chapters, and 68,007 words. My eyes hurt from staring at a computer screen that long.

Next step is the dessert edit. Spell check, then print out and do a page by page edit. My goal was to have the steak edit done by January 31st. Love being ahead of schedule, especially since my writing is getting backed up. I still have to finish the sitcom I'm writing to enter in the Nickelodeon fellowship, and edit the screenplay already written for the Nichol's fellowship.

Plus the character from my YA sci-fi novel is screaming at me for neglecting her. Yes I know you've been on the tarmac for awhile. I haven't forgotten you. You shouldn't be in a rush for what happens next, trust me, it's beyond anything you (or the reader) could imagine, or could have seen coming.

So I am happy to be in the final editing phase of my YA fantasy novel before I send it out looking for a buyer.

Jesus was right. "Only have faith and do not fear... All things are possible to the one who believes."

The End of the Line

Well it's December 31st. The last day of the old year.
2010 was an excruciating year for me. I learned a lot, but I would not like to repeat the experience.
2010 also brought me some victories:
1. Finished my first young adult fantasy novel.
2. Finished and submitted a science fiction short story.
3. Completed a screenplay in 9 days. Wait, 9 days? When did that happen? Last night/this morning at 12:45 am. I tasked myself with the goal of finishing a screenplay by New Year's Eve. I gave myself two weeks to complete it, as I was on vacation from work.
I did it in 9 days. Full length, feature screenplay. I never dreamed I would be able to do something as extensive as a screenplay in 9 days, but I did. (Course now the competitive person in me is wondering if I can do one in 7 days.)
4. Finding out my blog has been read by readers all over the world.

Is it time for me to take a bow? No. I wasn't able to do any of the above without God pushing and encouraging me along the way.

This morning I sat in Panera with my spiral notebook, and my 2011 calendar, planning out my writing projects for the year.
I have to admit it was hard. Was I out of ideas? No, quite the contrary, I had too many that were crying "me first", "me first".

As I have decided that the script I just finished I will be submitting to the Nicholls fellowship (after editing of course), I need to write another script along that genre-young adult, dark drama.
After that I am still in the deciding mode. I'll pull my spiral and calendar back out in the morning and finalize my writing timeline for 2011. Tonight I'm chewing over the ideas I have.

New Year's Eve. I am so excited about the potential of 2011.

As I sit down tonight to watch back to back action movies (sci fi and regular action), in the back of my mind one high-concept, action screenplay is trying to get my attention. Pick me to write first, it says. Let's blow stuff up, it says. Nobody's done it this way before, it says.
C'mon, you know you wanna, it says. And you know what? It's right.
Here's wishing you and yours a happy New Year's Eve and looking forward to an action packed 2011.

Holding Pattern

Are you tired of living your life in a holding pattern? It's a term I became familiar with on a flight. Bad weather in our connecting city forced us into a holding pattern around a different city. We circled high above Philadelphia for hours, only to miss our connecting flight once we reached. New York. It turned out to be a blessing because we were able to see ground zero the next morning. Sitting up in that plane circling for hours, getting hungry, wanting to land and not being able to was so frustrating.
Is your life in a holding pattern? Hebrews 11:6 states-"Now without faith it is impossible to please God; for the one who draws near to Him must believe that He exists and rewards those who diligently seek Him." HCSB
There's that faith word again. I know what it's like to have your entire life stuck in a holding pattern. You want change and it doesn't happen. Everyone else's life seems to be taking off. You want to move on but you feel you can't. You're stuck there. Good!
Yes, Good-" be still and know that I am God." This is the time for you to hear what God is trying to tell you and for you do make some life changes. It's also a time that God brings people into your life in preparation for you leaving the holding pattern, as many of us on the plane started up conversations with our neighbors and people in other rows. Faith that God has your best interest at heart no matter the initial pain.
But did you know that holding pattern is not forever. God lands the plane and tells you "Ok, you're ready to disembark." That's where your faith kicks in again. Are you still on the plane? What are you waiting for? The creator has opened the gates of Heaven wide to bless you. He is ready for you to step off that plane and into the wonderful plan He has for your life.
Not sure you can take that first step?
Listen to the words of Jesus (read them aloud) Mark 5:36 "Don't be afraid only believe." and Mark 9:23 "-everything is possible to the one who believes."
Believe and be free.

For Singles

I think my word for the month of March is going to be faith. When you ask God to strengthen your faith, guess what? He sends trials your way. All to help you see you need to fully rely on Him.
I have know dissapointment. People will let you down, but God will not.
As I write this I am down, but I am choosing to hold on to my faith.
Things will happen to discourage you and keep you from being the person God created you to be, and to keep you from believing God's promises.
God does not lie. Habbakuk 3:2 For the vision is yet for the apppointed time, it testifies about the end and will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it. For it will surely come and not be late.
Do you believe that? I do.
If you believe it then don't settle for less than God's best. Don't change yourself to fit a person. Be who God created you to be. Have faith the person God brings into your life will accept you as you are.