My Sword

 I dropped my sword out of fear. 

Fear of what would come after me if I continued to use it. 

Fear of the loneliness I expect as a sword wielder. 

Fear of attention and unending expectations. 

Fear of being seen as an unchristian. 

Jesus gave me this sword. He intends for me to use it. 

With a roar I pick up my sword. 

Tighten my grip on my shield. 

And run into battle. 

Twelve Weeks

This is the time of year I post about nanowrimo or about finishing the year strong with your writing project. This is the time of year I write about making a final push to reach those goals you made in January. But this is 2020. This year has forced me to stop my fast-paced life and look at what truly matters; let go of the past. Because I submitted to the process, I am able to write from a place I'd never thought possible. I realized what is truly important to me and that change is a good thing. A healing thing. And as the last twelve weeks of 2020 thrust themselves upon us, if you have not submitted to deep reflection about who you are, who you want to be, are you living your true life, what fears are you still holding onto, etc. Take the time now.

Redecorate vs. Renovate

Redecorate vs. Renovate I have a screenplay I wrote that I’ve gotten great feedback on. It’s about suicide. I’m having difficulty getting anyone to say yes to it. Today I took a long, hard, critical look at it and I found what it needs. The only problem is, it doesn’t need to be redecorated, it needs to be renovated. You know those home improvement shows where they sand and stain or paint kitchen cabinets because they’re solid and only need surface work? That’s redecorate. That’s not this screenplay. My screenplay is like when they take a crowbar and rip the cabinets off the wall. Then they rip the drywall off and you’re left with the studs. You have to renovate, gut, the entire place. That’s where this screenplay is. It needs to be gutted down to the studs so I can put the best drywall and cabinets in. Life can be like that too. Don’t confuse a paint job with a need to do a total renovation. Put in the hard word and rip everything out. Then build in what is truly unique to you. Your writing and you as a person will be all the better for it.

Don’t Give Up

Don’t give up on your Dreams. With the pandemic going on, the world has found itself social distancing and staying home. In our 21st century society, we have more choices for entertainment than there are hours in the day. We can fill our minds with endless TV shows or hours of opera or theater. Or...we can take a few hours today to reset. Are you living the life you always wanted to live? If so...congratulations. If not...it’s reset time. Take some of your quarantine time today to reflect on the life you truly want. If you’re at home with others, go to a separate room or even a closet. Take pen and paper, or jot your answers down on your phone. Here are your prompts: 1. I always wanted to be a... 2. I always wanted to live in/at/on... 3. My one (or however many you have), regret is... 4. Today is a new day. I can start living my dream(s) by... 5. I will stop listening to fear and do something bold today by... 6. By June 1st of this year, I will have done...towards my dream(s). Set a reminder on your phone to revisit your answers at least once a week. I plan on posting mine on my bathroom mirror so I am often reminded of my dreams and action steps. And at the top of you page write: BE BOLD. LIVE FEARLESS. Know that I am rooting for you.

What type of writer am I?

What kind of writer am I? 2020 is turning into an interesting year for me. I’ve written and submitted poetry and essays. Yet I’ve always considered myself a fiction writer. Time is a funny construct. It gives us room to shift and grow and change and be re-formed into something completely new. Time asks nothing from us but that it be used. And used well, until there is nothing left in the vessel of time but empty space. If you’d asked me three years ago what type of writing I do, I would have said, “YA SciFi and Horror, novels and screenplays”. I never would have said, “I’ve been exploring the depth of the kaleidoscope of color on the end of a grain of sand—in words and harmony through poetry.” I am still hard at work on my adult horror novel (another new thing for me), while I explore this new person I’ve become who pulls back the petals of a fresh rose to show the world the delicate workings within that brings life to the bees. 2020 People say it’s synonymous with perfect vision. I tend to not see perfection in anything (except Twinkies). Even nature throws a slight curve into the symmetry of a butterfly’s wings. I think 2020 is the beginning of near vision. And as I continue to dig deeper into my writing (I’m preparing to undertake a huge research project for a book), I am reminded to see beyond the first glance. Dive deep. Tell it true. And tell it with heart.

Do it anyway

Lets briefly talk about fear. I needed to add an opening scene to a teleplay I've been working on. This scene has no dialogue but it packs a huge emotional punch. I procrastinated for three days. I could not write it. I mean, I could physically write it, but emotionally I could not write it. What my character was feeling was too raw, too powerful. I knew it would take over me and swallow me whole. And I knew I had to write it. Isn't that like life. Sometimes we have to make decisions and they are hard, and stressful and sometimes even painful and we'd rather just not do it...but we must. To be true to ourselves, to be true to our writing, we must do it anyways. I wrote the scene. And now I'm preparing to revise it. I hurt for my character, but I kept writing. What decision do you need to make in your writing or in your, life that is hard but you need to do it anyway? Do it anyway. Take that step. Make that call. Do it.

Naked in a room

Writing is about being transparent. I love movies that make me laugh out loud, and make me cry. The actor is able to take the writer's words and create a performance that moves me. But for the actor to do this, the writer has to step up to the plate. I am a huge fan of Sherlock, with Benedict Cumberbatch, and Martin Freeman. The end of season two had me in tears. Sherlock jumped from the building. I will not spoil the season 3, opener for those who haven't seen it yet. The writers of that show have shown me what it means to build a flawed character, that is love able, but not needy; how to put plot twists and engage the audience in solving the mystery. I am in awe of those writers. They bring everything they are to the table every week to write for this show. Think about the last movie or book you read that you were unhappy with. I bet the first thing you said was "the character". I think to write an amazing character, you have to be willing to be naked. You have to go deep within to pull all the not pretty parts out, put them on display. Doing this frees you as a writer. It's like being naked in a room-there's nothing left to hide, so you might as well be yourself. I have looked back over screenplays and novels I've written and found I have slapped my own hand a few times, and hindered my own nakedness. That nagging dissatisfaction that has plagued me at the back of my mind for more than six months has surged to the forefront. I have chosen to be naked. All those words and actions my characters wanted to say and do, that I would not allow before, I let them. It is so freeing to be naked. It can be scary, but once you've been naked in a room, there's nothing left to hide. Show it. Flaunt it. Be proud of it. Write it.

There is no Plan B

When you make a choice to pursue a dream, you will sometime hear advice that goes like this... "Make sure you have a back up plan", or "make sure you have something to fall back on". Here's the problem with that line of thinking, it's not based on faith. Faith is the "evidence of things not seen". That means you have to jump even though you can't see the ground. Now people that say the aforementioned statements to you mean well. But you were created for boldness. Be bold. Take that dream, that passion, and put yourself into it 100%. Don't have a Plan B. Here is what I've learned. If you have a Plan B, you will never devote yourself to your dream more than 80%. Sometimes not even 50%. There will always be apart of you that you hold back. Here is what I know. You only have one life on this planet. God didn't give you this life for you to play it safe with Plan B. He meant for you to go all out and pursue that dream with everything you have. Plan A. An uncle of my reminded me of something. When you do what you love (Plan A), you'll never work a day in your life. Work is Plan B. Let's decide to get rid of these Plan Bs. They weigh us down, choke the dreams out of us, and do nothing to bring joy in our lives. Take sometime to remember what your Plan A was. Prepare yourself for your Plan A and then jump.

Leaving Residency

Waiting on the shuttle to the airport.
I have been amazed, awed, and greatly inspired by my 11 day residency at Hamline.
I came in feeling unsure of myself as a writer and I leave feeling ready.
I still have work to do in the upcoming semester-creative writing and critical essays, but I am on the correct path. I am a writer.

Contest entry-done

Friday I submitted the first chapter of my novel to a contest for new writers. The winner will be announced October 11th. The prize-agents and publishers having access to the chapter. Meaning if they like it, they will contact the author. I almost didn't submit my entry. Why? Fear. Yep, that ugly word. I had spent alot of time and effort on it. I didn't want it rejected, especially since the contest did not have a winner last month-they didn't feel any of the writing submitted was ready. I didn't want to have to face rejection of my passion, my dream. I wasn't looking at it in a logical sense-that if it's not selected, it may just need more polishing. No, I was looking at it as if it means I'm no good as a writer. I've heard it said, and have read, that writers (artists), are more emotional and more sensitive than others. Makes sense. We have to see, and feel the world around us in order to make great works. But that emotional side can also paralyze us if we are not careful. So I prayed and pushed through my fear and submitted it. October 11th, we'll see what happens. In the meantime I am beginning my second revision of my novel and moving from synopsis to outline on my second. Stay tuned to hear if I won. Course if I do, you'll hear my scream of excitement 'round the world.