Pins and Needles

I'm sitting in front of the remains of my strawberry belgian waffle and I'm constantly checking my email before I head into work. Today they announce the winners of the Hint fiction contest and on Monday the winners of the short short story contest. Haven't received a you didn't win email so I'm hoping that is good. Stay tuned, I will keep you posted.

4 days

Nanowrimo starts in four days. In case you haven't heard of it, it stands for national novel writing month. Look up www.nanowrimo.org
and peruse their website. Four days to get ready to write a novel in one month. Think it's crazy? Well it is and it isn't. Some people need a deadline to motivate them to finish their novel. Other people need that community of fellow writers to encourage them and to share in cheering each other on. Having completed one novel I know what it feels like to be able to look at it and say- I wrote a novel. It is possible to do. It's made writing the next one go much smoother.
So what am I writing about? I'm returning to my sci fi roots. It will be in diary format.
My focus is on getting the words on the page and joining in on the madness that is nanowrimo.
I'm still working on my second YA novel, I'm 7500 words in the past month. Taking the writing of this one much slower-not trying to win any medals in the 100 yd. dash. I'm more concerned with telling the best story possible with the richest deepest characters possible.
Check out nanowrimo and see what you think. I remember as a child my mom working on a story at her typewriter. Bet she could write a novel next month.

Decisions We Make

I'm actually blogging from home this morning. Yes, I know I've been gone for awhile. Still working out the bugs in my writing schedule. This new novel is consuming me so much that I hate to use any free time on anything but it. And yet, my blog is dear to my heart also.
I took the day off of work. To get things done during the week, that I normally cannot, and to rest and reflect.
Right now I am trying to type with a sore right arm. Flu shots will do that to you.
Let's see where did I leave off?
Decisions we make... sounds ominous doesn't it?
Decisions based on Christ require faith.
Decisions not based on Him require bull-headedness.
I have come to enjoy my morning writing ritual. Being a night owl, I wasn't sure how that would work out, but it has. I always thought there were two reasons that kept me from writing: writer's block, and being a night owl with an early morning job to go to. Now I find that both of those were symptoms masking the real condition-fear.
What if they like my writing? What if they don't like my writing? What if I win the academy award for Best Adapted Screenplay of my own novel? Ok that last one is a real dream of mine.
If I get stuck in my writing, I whip out "The Write-Brain Workbook" by Bonnie Neubauer. It helps me focus on a really short bit of writing, and some of it has spring-boarded onto ideas I've been able to put into my idea book for later use.
Too tired to write, I head to Starbucks, or put on a pot of my favorite loose tea, crack open my writing journal (not the laptop), grab a gel pen and write. Within five minutes I'm back in my zone. And it's ok if I only get one page out. The point is being consistent.
Staying up late wanting to work on my writing, or a read a book in a genre I'm considering writing in, or reading a screenplay to get the format down. Ok, I haven't quite figured out what to do about that yet. I stayed up late Sunday and Monday night finishing "The Dead and The Gone", by Susan Beth Pfeffer. I really couldn't put it down. Didn't want to Sunday night but the clock reminded me I only had six hours before I had to get up and go to work so I had no choice but to finish it Monday. Young Adult Sci-Fi but not hardcore, more end of the world stuff.
Being a night owl I get my second wind around 10p.m. and it will burn if I let it, until 2a.m.
What I am finding irritating is when I have to leave off my writing in a place I don't want to leave off. Because the clock says "Hey Des, you need to be in your car headed to work now". Or it says "You have to go to bed. You'll be too tired to work tomorrow." Grrrr! It's not that I want to finish the writing the entire novel in one sitting, it's just that I need to finish a paragraph or complete a thought and I don't have time to. Then I end up scribbling down in handwriting, that is worse than chicken scratch, just so I can get to work, or go to bed.
Grrrr!

Had to take a deep breath there. Even as I work on this blog, my mind is thinking about the scene in the novel I'm working on, and what I want to happen next. My main character has just been dealt a heavy blow. Last night, or really 3 a.m. this morning, when I couldn't sleep because my mind was going a thousand miles a minute, I thought back to all the heavy blows I've been dealt just this year. How we deal with those shows our character, our true selves.
What does this have to do with decisions? I made a decision to spend my free time writing. I write in the mornings. I write during my lunch break. I write at night before bed ( or I do research, or read other novels). I've noticed a change in my mindset as a result and I like it. I feel more and more like a writer. And I am signing off now so I can get back to my novel writing.

It was a dark and stormy night.

Cliche-yes, but it leads me to the task at hand. While having dinner Friday night at my favorite restaurant- Macaroni Grill (the chicken and spinach and penne pasta were baked to perfection), I was having a conversation with my close friend. She shares my love of writing and reading. This led to a discussion of nanowrimo (national novel writing month). Check our their website at www.nanowrimo.org. Anyway, she's doing it this year and we were brainstorming ideas she could write about. Something clicked in me, maybe it was the proximity of the date to Halloween, buy I gasped and looked at her and said "Thanks, you just gave me another story idea."
Then I groaned for two reasons: 1. When do I write this (where on my list of books I'm writing should it fall? And 2. I know nothing about serial killers, or mapping out a murder mystery.

The answer to number one is easy-I have a list of writing projects (novels, short stories, screenplays) that have a timeline including a due date for each. I jot down the title, the estimated word count and then I divide the word count by the number of days (750 words per day divided by 65,000 words for example) then I know what date I need to be finished by.
I found out this summer I work better with a goal of X number of words per day, rather than say "write 2 hours today". So problem number 1 is solved.

Problem 2- serial killers. I would have to do the research, and do an extensive profile of my protagonist and antagonist (light and dark). This would include reading about serial killers and reading books already written in that vein.
I guess this is confession time. The research and the writing of this novel are going to scare me. Not as in I'm afraid to leave my home scared, but as in-give me nightmares. Even reading the book of Revelation scares me and I'm a believer!

There have been two authors who have given me nightmares- growing up it was Stephen King, and now Ted Dekker. I can't read them right before bed, and I can't read them at night with just my booklight on. Nope. Now I grew up reading Stephen King- he was one of mainstays in middle school. I read him along with the likes of Bradbury and Alan Dean Foster, when other kids were reading Judy Blume. I was a huge sci-fi and horror buff with a little Anne McAffrey's Dragon riders thrown in the mix. I love to get scared. I even wrote a short story in high school based on a scary dream I had about Frankenstein growing up. It scared my friends-the ones I let read it.
I want to write this but I'm gonna scare myself writing it. I will have to plan the research and the writing for daytime hours only.
Yeah, that should cure that, until I do what I always do-think about my work in progress while falling asleep. Guess I need to head out to walmart and get a couple of nightlights.

Impossible

I have thought impossible thoughts. I have dreamed impossible dreams. Now the Holy Spirit reminds me to pray for these impossibilities.
Hebrews 11:6-now without faith it is impossible to please God, for the one who draws near to Him must believe He exists and rewards those who diligently seek Him.
I had dinner last night with a good friend of mine. She talked about faith. My faith needs to be stronger in the area of the impossible. What that verse means to me is that God wants me to the point where I turn it over to Him. I have many dreams-to be a published, full time writer, to be married and have more children...
Case in point- my desire to go to Scotland to do research on two novels. Estimated cost $1400-1700.00. Do I have the means to pay for it? Nope. Is this desire to go from God? Yes. Solution. Pray for Him to bless me with the funds or a plane ticket to go. What should I not do? I shouldn't do what I found myself falling into-the surely God didn't say, or didn't mean it mind game from Satan.
I thought about Joseph. How he had a vision of his future life. I often wondered while he was in prison, did he doubt his vision from God? He spent three years in jail for a crime he didn't commit. Yet it lead to the fulfillment of the vision (see Genesis 50:20).
Do I trust God with my impossibilities?

I didn't win

I'm currently drowning my sorrows in Vanilla wafers. The generic brand. So the results came in today and I didn't win. There was only a first place slot-no second or third. Really wish they had given all the entrants feedback. If you're gonna read it, jot down some notes and pass those, or your tally sheet on to us. Help me out here. I'm just as in the dark as I was before the contest.
Oh well.
7 vanilla wafers later and the sugar has started kicking in. Keep moving forward right?
I had all day at work today to chew over, in my mind, what went wrong- Or what I think went wrong. So here is my critical analysis of chapter one:
By DM (my alter ego).
Ahem,
In her debut novel, the author, Desiree Middleton, presents to us a new spin on the female heroine. Her character is forced into a situation not of her own doing and finds that any wrong move can be deadly. I felt moved in several sections of chapter one-I even found myself cheering for the heroine, but- the opening scene while attempting to frighten only makes us mildly uneasy. I would like to see the author revamp the beginning scene and make me feel terrified of the dark and the shocking event that takes place. Slow starts are like death in waiting for a novelist.
I look forward to seeing the author rework the scene-adding an intensity so sharp that I jump at the slightest noise.

Dear DM, thank you for your insight into my novel. I will go back and rewrite the opening scene. I will make it so intense you jump if there is a knock upon your door. The novel does need to push the suspense alot more. I will get to work immediately on that.

See it does help to talk to yourself. Now send those guys in the white coats away, I've got work to do.

Watercolors

My favorite class in high school was Adv. Art Honors. You had to have the teacher's permission to be in the class. That involved taking Art 1, and showing her a portfolio of your work. If she likes it, you were in. You could repeat the class yearly, which we all did.
In class we were able to dabble around with different media. I tried needlepoint, silk screen, pen and ink, and finally watercolors. Our senior year we had to pick one media and base our work on it. I chose watercolor. I excelled at it-won some awards and even had my art on display at school and places around town. There was a point I was working on a huge painting (size), and our teacher was out for the week. Prior to leaving she told me she wanted me to try mix media in my watercolor-she wanted me to add acrylic paint to my watercolor. She gave me basic instructions and turned me loose.
Her first words to me upon her return to class were-Stop! You're ruining it. It wasn't said in a mean way-after being under her instruction for 3 years I knew it was her personality. But what was I ruining? I has painted a picture of a guy in a boat, fishing in the middle of a storm so fierce, the sky was grey and the seas were choppy foam. My thought was to add the acrylic paint on top of the watercolor to emphasize the clouds and the waves. While painting I never liked the way it looked so I kept adding black here, and white there, until in frustration I was going to paint it all gray and move on to something else.
She came along side me and dipped my brush in white acrylic paint, put her hand over mine, and helped me paint a white-capped wave. She paitiently did this several times, then she removed her hand and watched me fix the rest of the waves.
My writing is alot like my painting, I need someone to come along side me and tell me to Stop! Or show me how to fix something.
I know there are areas in my first novel I need to fix, but I need an expert to show me the best way.
I tried joining a writer's group. Our assignment was to take the story of Cinderella and rewrite it. We had ten minutes. As the others gathered read what they had written, it dawned on me-wow Des, you really are way out there. They had all, to a person, rewritten it, continuing in the happily ever after vein.
What did I write-I made Cinderella a bully who harassed and beat up her sister to get the invitation to the ball. It is Cinderella who rules the household with an iron fist and makes the women cry.
Yeah...
So I'm still looking for a like-minded (insane), writing group or class that can help me fix what I know needs fixing, and catch things I never saw.

Salisbury Steak

I've been splitting my time between writing my second novel and revising my first.
When I looked over what I'd written so far on the second novel I noticed something. Depth and richness.
My first novel is like Salisbury steak. Now I love Salisbury steak and always will, but my second novel is more like t-bone steak (med. rare with sautéed mushrooms).
Both are good but the latter is richer in flavor and satisfies better.
I want my first novel to be t-bone steak too, so I'm doing another revision, I think this makes number three, before I give it to my friend to edit.
Second novel-
I am really enjoying this character even though I'm still in the developing the character-setting up the premise stage.
She's not a good girl. Me growing up, I looked for ways to avoid getting into trouble, to not let my awkwardness show. I was painfully shy and liked to hide out in the library in middle school. My lead character seeks out trouble and doesn't care what happens-until she pushes too far and that which she did not see coming hits her full force.
It's still a YA Fantasy though.
Since I'm home today with a sick teenager I'll be writing while she's napping. My goal today is to get thru act one on the new novel and add a scene in act three of the first novel.

Too tired

I spoke in a prior blog about having to adjust my writing schedule. I had to split my writing time up. Instead of doing all my writing at night, I now have to do the majority in the morning-but not every morning. I literally have to look at my writing schedule to see which morning I'm writing. It's a learning curve and eventually I'll have it committed to memory, but yesterday was my morning writing day and I was tired. I'd had a long emotionally draining week prior and come Monday morning there was nothing in me that even remotely wanted to write. Then this soft still voice spoke to me-go to starbucks and take you writing notebook.
So I listened. I sat for a few minutes looking at the writing I had done previously then I decided to work on more ideas. I thought about how hard it was growing up in my teens and how I felt like I didn't fit in anywhere, least of all at home.
I wrote down my ideas for this new ya novel. When I write my ideas I am in essence doing a synopsis. When I looked back over my synopsis, one sentence caught my eye.
I re-read it, then I got a rush of adrenaline. I flipped to the next available blank page and fleshed out that sentence into a story idea.
I looked over it and realized-hey that's got enough meat to it to make it a novel series.
Listening to the Holy Spirit and writing when I didn't want to led to a blessing.
A synopsis for a young adult novel and a synopsis for a three-four part young adult series.
God is way awesome!
Eek! When do I find the time to write all of this? God always makes a way.

Observations

Sitting in Starbucks people watching. I forgot to put my writing notebook in the car to work on my writing before work. My evening hours have become more time restrictive so I've decided to use the thirty minutes between dropping my daughter off at school and my reporting time to work to pop over to the local Starbucks. Right now I'm watching a grey-haired lady sitting outside-dressed in a black shirt and skirt. Even her belt is black. All black except for her hot pink 3 inch heels. Her legs are curled under her, one leg crossed over the other. Jewelry is not flashy. In her left hand is a cigarette ready for the grave. She snuffs it out to light her third one. She flicks her thumb and pinky together to jar the ashes from the end of her cigarette. She's a pro. 8am venti coffee and three cigarettes-think she's super charged?

7 minutes and I have to head into work. Note to self put my spiral notebook in the car tonight.

Can you picture cigarette lady? Fill in your own ideas of how you think her face looks. I couldn't see it, but I am thankful for her helping me write this morning.

Fuel

I have a week to start and complete a short story. Now I just found out about the contest two days ago. I feel compelled to enter. Number one, it’s free. Number two the prize is $5,000 and I can use the money. Plus I cut my teeth on writing by creating short stories in grade school through college.

So what’s the problem?

I can’t decide if I should take something I’ve already written and tweak it, give it a fresh perspective; change the premise. Or, if I should write something new.

In the past week my life has been on a huge emotional roller coaster. Feelings I thought were gone have resurfaced. I haven’t had a full night’s sleep since a week ago today.

History tells me, and I proved it yesterday sitting on my patio overlooking the pond, that I should write about what I’m feeling. I wrote two pages in my journal yesterday trying to mind dump what I’m feeling. Wish I could say it helped but I know it wasn’t enough.

I looked over my journal writing from yesterday and I came across two lines that made me do a double take. The lines were full of such raw emotion. I thought wow, that’s exactly how I feel, and then the writer took over and I thought, hey that would be a good intro to a short story.

Even though the short story contest is a fiction contest, I will be basing it on the situation I am going through now. Of course, fiction has to
be larger than life so I will be “amp”ing up what the protagonist (lead character) will experience and how it all resolves itself.


Due to the emotional nature of this short story I feel draw to write outdoors. I do my deepest writing outside. Now as I am still under the weather today, it will have to be tomorrow. Beach or Park? Hmmm. Thinking the beach. I haven’t been in awhile and seeing God’s glory in the raging waves will be just what I need to fuel my writing.

Holding Pattern

Are you tired of living your life in a holding pattern? It's a term I became familiar with on a flight. Bad weather in our connecting city forced us into a holding pattern around a different city. We circled high above Philadelphia for hours, only to miss our connecting flight once we reached. New York. It turned out to be a blessing because we were able to see ground zero the next morning. Sitting up in that plane circling for hours, getting hungry, wanting to land and not being able to was so frustrating.
Is your life in a holding pattern? Hebrews 11:6 states-"Now without faith it is impossible to please God; for the one who draws near to Him must believe that He exists and rewards those who diligently seek Him." HCSB
There's that faith word again. I know what it's like to have your entire life stuck in a holding pattern. You want change and it doesn't happen. Everyone else's life seems to be taking off. You want to move on but you feel you can't. You're stuck there. Good!
Yes, Good-" be still and know that I am God." This is the time for you to hear what God is trying to tell you and for you do make some life changes. It's also a time that God brings people into your life in preparation for you leaving the holding pattern, as many of us on the plane started up conversations with our neighbors and people in other rows. Faith that God has your best interest at heart no matter the initial pain.
But did you know that holding pattern is not forever. God lands the plane and tells you "Ok, you're ready to disembark." That's where your faith kicks in again. Are you still on the plane? What are you waiting for? The creator has opened the gates of Heaven wide to bless you. He is ready for you to step off that plane and into the wonderful plan He has for your life.
Not sure you can take that first step?
Listen to the words of Jesus (read them aloud) Mark 5:36 "Don't be afraid only believe." and Mark 9:23 "-everything is possible to the one who believes."
Believe and be free.

Forgiveness

This weekend I had to forgive someone for something pretty important. My Christian friends were divided into two camps: forgive, or make the person suffer. I was shocked by the latter. May I speak openly today about this. Slight detour from my writing. Christ is the only reason believers are going to Heaven. His forgiveness of our sins. Our model prayer from Jesus even says "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." Jesus also stated if we don't forgive neither will our heavenly Father forgive us. Knowing the bible teaches this, why are some actions forgivable and others not? To not forgive is to live with festering hate and anger and machinations of revenge. I have had to forgive much in my life:
Abandonment, abuse, rapes.
I chose to forgive someone Saturday. Now he knows he has a long road ahead to earn back my trust but I was looking at Jesus' example and admonishment. I trust God so I did what I knew was the right thing. And for those of you Christians harboring festering, feelings of anger and hate- STOP IT. Let it go. Do you not know that hate and anger is from satan? Who is Lord in your life? Forget about what people will think or what other believers will say. Concern yourself with what Jesus will say. No matter what, He is the authority, the model, the hope of forgiveness.

Novel number two under way

Yes you read the title correctly. I have started writing my second young adult novel. I'm interspersing my time between another revision of my first novel and work on my second. Revision of my first novel is in the tertiary stage- I'm going chapter by chapter, checking for weak dialogue and poor description; fixing both. Polishing my novel in preparation for my public reading of it on Sunday the 19th.
My second novel. The lead character is a teenage girl with a criminal past (present), from a broken home. It's still fantasy and I hope it draws in a larger niche of the ya audience. Those who are living in one parent, or no parent homes; those who think mistakes of the past will haunt them forever. I hope it shows them it's ok to live. There will be some tender moments, some tissue to wipe away the tears moments, but there will also be laugh out loud moments. Strap yourselves in. It's gonna be a roller coaster ride.

Contest entry-done

Friday I submitted the first chapter of my novel to a contest for new writers. The winner will be announced October 11th. The prize-agents and publishers having access to the chapter. Meaning if they like it, they will contact the author. I almost didn't submit my entry. Why? Fear. Yep, that ugly word. I had spent alot of time and effort on it. I didn't want it rejected, especially since the contest did not have a winner last month-they didn't feel any of the writing submitted was ready. I didn't want to have to face rejection of my passion, my dream. I wasn't looking at it in a logical sense-that if it's not selected, it may just need more polishing. No, I was looking at it as if it means I'm no good as a writer. I've heard it said, and have read, that writers (artists), are more emotional and more sensitive than others. Makes sense. We have to see, and feel the world around us in order to make great works. But that emotional side can also paralyze us if we are not careful. So I prayed and pushed through my fear and submitted it. October 11th, we'll see what happens. In the meantime I am beginning my second revision of my novel and moving from synopsis to outline on my second. Stay tuned to hear if I won. Course if I do, you'll hear my scream of excitement 'round the world.

My train is stuck

I was stuck this weekend. I had finished the first revision of my novel. Had printed off chapter one to review for an upcoming contest, and was ready to start my new project. I had my genre picked out (sci fi), my target word count; I even had previously written the first 3200 words... But when it came time for me to write the outline and synopsis, my train came to a screeching halt. I came upon an impenetrable question:so what? The novel is about a female space cadet who gets to realize her dream, in a way she didn't expect. She encounters danger along the way...but? I don't have any real reason for anyone to want to read about her life, no great conflict or life challenge for her to overcome. Her train is stalled behind an avalanche of boulders. It's ok. The novel I just completed- the main characters stayed at their kitchen table for six months before the real story became alive and I could resume writing it. So instead of giving into frustration (too late). I'm going to move on to another project. Here is where it gets tricky. I just found out there is a young adult novel contest open from Oct to Dec 31st. The only catch is that it has to be set in contemporary mode. Meaning no knights, no spaceships. Can I write it? Yes, but I already know my passion is for sci fi and young adult fantasy. But...I do have some ideas for contemporary YA fiction. I could write one of those. And being blessed with being able to type 80 words a minute. It is quite doable. The other side of the coin if I were to flip one would be to write a sci fi script. The perfect idea came to me over the course of the 3 day weekend. That I could have done in a month and with another month for editing, it could feasibly be ready for submission by November. Oh what to do? I could conceivably write both simultaneously: alternate days of fiction for days of screenwrting. But I have a feeling that train leads to madness. Best stick to one writing project at a time. But which one?
Guess I better go put the pot of coffee on. I know me. Once I make my decision tonight, I'm gonna want to write for at least four hours straight. Stay tuned to see what my next project is.

Are you a Pharisee?

Saw a friend on my way home tonight. On the road. He opened his door to throw up. He's driving drunk again. He considers the peace He feels from drinking worth it. I thought to myself. How sad. He still doesn't get it. I wondered in the past who I could partner him with, what spiritual man that he could finally see the truth revealed. But then I realized I know more Pharisees than I do true believers. Pharisees were those people who would go around professing their faith, quoting scripture, and making themselves look important; while rebuking people they encountered for breaking any of the hundreds of laws they added to the original law. These people are still among us. You're reading a blog from someone who strived to be like that, because she thought that was how a follower of Christ acts. Now that she has seen the light and truth has been reveals to her she understands. Christ is merciful and forgiving. He sees our past mistakes and does not hold them against us. Rather, He meets us where we are and brings us up to Him. So a modern day Pharisee would look at a woman who walks into church with a baby, and no ring on her finger and pre-judge her. They would ooo and ahh at the baby and even point her to a great bible study, but have a deep meaningful relationship with her? Get to know her heart and come along side her, mentor her, help her with her struggles? No. She's a fallen woman. They would proudly say-"It's so wonderful she accepted Jesus as her Savior, but don't let her sit near your husband", or "She is a Christian, but she had a child out of wedlock...yes she does wonders in the children's ministry...but she's one of those women, you can't be a real friend with them, don't even think about dating or marrying one of them."
So completely opposite of Christ's example. He didn't puff himself up, or look down his nose at people. Look at what He did for the woman at the well. He showed her real love and compassion, and He didn't care WHO saw him.
Are you a Pharisee? Are you more concerned with quoting scripture, being seen on Sunday morning, making sure everyone knows how much you "sacrifice" for the church? Or are you willing to be real. Take in that pregnant teen. Partner with that single mom. Approach that person God has put on your heart, regardless of appearances in front of other Pharisees.
Let's see some real Christianity. I pray my friend meets a real Christian man that will be honest and loving toward him, and will parner with
him to grow in the grace and knowledge of Christ.